REVIEW: The Sitter

The Sitter
Directed by: David Gordon Green
Written by: Brian Gatewood & Alessandro Tanaka
Starring: Jonah Hill / Ari Graynor / Sam Rockwell

I laughed three times during The Sitter. The first two times were on account of the fact that I genuinely found something funny. The third time was a laugh of joy, a celebration that the movie was over and I could finally leave.

Directed by David Gordon Green, who was also responsible for the cinematic sewage that was Your Highness, The Sitter stars Jonah Hill as Noah Griffith, a wonderful individual living at home with his mother on account of the fact that he is suspended from college. He spends his spare time trying to sleep with Marisa (Ari Granyor), a girl up the street who has no likable qualities whatsoever. Noah agrees to babysit three children, but a dilemma rises when Marisa promises to sleep with him in the event that she brings her some cocaine from a psychotic drug dealer named Karl (Sam Rockwell). What could possibly go wrong?

Naturally, everything goes wrong, and Noah is not the only one to blame. The children with which he has been entrusted are a recipe for disaster. There’s Slater, a heavily medicated young boy struggling with the idea that he might be gay. Then there’s Blithe, an adorable little girl who spends her day endlessly applying makeup and preparing to be the next Paris Hilton.  Lastly, there’s Rodrigo. When he’s not trying to run away from home, he’s either taking things that don’t belong to him or blowing up toilets.

There’s almost nothing in this movie to enjoy. The kids’ antics aren’t funny, Noah’s decisions make no sense, and there’s nobody likable in the movie at all. The script is so flat and bereft of life I’m positive the movie we were given was based off a first draft. How can we expect Jonah Hill to breathe life into this movie when he doesn’t even look like he wants to be there?

The Sitter does have its moments though, albeit you can count them on one hand. Sam Rockwell is fun to watch in his eccentric role as a drug dealer. He isn’t given much to work with, but he makes the most of it. There’s also a funny moment with Jonah Hill and a bouncer at a club, but you can catch that in the trailer.

David Gordon Green needs to take a break from comedy. Between this and Your Highness I don’t know how much more I can take. Bring on Sherlock Holmes and Mission:Impossible. Now that’s entertainment.